10 Life-changing Lessons From The Longest Ever Study On Human Happiness! Dr. Robert Waldinger | E246

The video is about the longest study ever done on human happiness, which found that relationships are the key to keeping people happy and healthy, and the speaker's mission is to bring this science to people in ways they can use.

The video is about the longest study ever done on human happiness, conducted by Dr. Robert Waldinger, a Harvard psychiatrist. The study tracked the lives of 724 families for 85 years, looking at mental and physical health to determine what makes people happy and healthy. The most surprising finding was that relationships are the key to happiness and health, and loneliness can be as dangerous to health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. Dr. Waldinger's mission is to bring this science to people in ways they can use, and he is holding dinner parties around the world to discuss the research and its implications. As a psychiatrist and Zen priest, he works with people struggling with mental illnesses and believes in relieving the optional suffering caused by the stories we tell ourselves.

• The longest study on human happiness was conducted by Dr. Robert Waldinger, tracking 724 families for 85 years to determine what keeps people happy and healthy.
• The study found that relationships are the key to happiness and health, and loneliness is as dangerous as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.
• Dr. Waldinger's mission is to bring this science to people in ways they can use and relieve optional suffering caused by the stories we tell ourselves.
• Being a psychiatrist allows Dr. Waldinger to take deep dives into people's life experiences and tie his work into his mission of bringing happiness science to people.
• The study started as two studies of good normal development and found that relationships are the key to happiness and health, with people who are more socially connected living longer and being happier and healthier.
• The study found that the quality of close relationships matters more than the number of friends or being in a committed relationship, and investing in relationships is important for happiness and health.
• The study has been ongoing for decades, collecting about 30 normal brains of participants who have passed away, and the director has become more intentional about taking care of his own relationships.
• Misconceptions about happiness include people being bad at knowing what they want and what makes them happy, and small conversations with strangers or acquaintances can be energizing.
• The importance of relationships includes protecting people's bodies and brains, with good relationships requiring effort and intentionality.

10 Life-changing Lessons From The Longest Ever Study On Human Happiness! Dr. Robert Waldinger | E246 - YouTube

The Study on Human Happiness

• The longest study ever done on human happiness was conducted by Dr. Robert Waldinger, a Harvard psychiatrist.
• The study tracked the lives of 724 families for 85 years, looking at mental and physical health to determine what keeps people happy and healthy.
• The most surprising finding was that relationships are the key to happiness and health.
• Loneliness is as dangerous to health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.
• Dr. Waldinger's mission is to bring this science to people in ways they can use.

Optional Suffering

• Dr. Waldinger's mission as a Zen priest is to relieve the suffering that's optional in the world.
• Optional suffering refers to the stories we tell ourselves about things that turn out not to be true.
• It's the ways we imagine things that make us suffer a great deal.
• Mark Twain's quote, "Some of the worst things in my life never happened," illustrates this point.
• Dr. Waldinger's work as a psychiatrist involves helping people with mental illnesses and conditions through medication and talk therapy.

Being a Psychiatrist

• Being a psychiatrist involves working with people who are struggling with mental illnesses and conditions.
• Dr. Waldinger became fascinated by how the mind works when he was a medical student.
• He finds being a psychiatrist exciting because everyone is so different.
• Being a psychiatrist allows him to take deep dives into people's life experiences.
• Dr. Waldinger's work as a psychiatrist ties into the third pillar of his mission, which is to bring happiness science to people.

10 Life-changing Lessons From The Longest Ever Study On Human Happiness! Dr. Robert Waldinger | E246 - YouTube

Personal Experience

• Dr. Waldinger's TED Talk on the study of human happiness resonated with the speaker, who was addicted to work and pursuing money at all costs.
• The speaker had sacrificed many things that make life fulfilling.
• Dr. Waldinger's work on relationships being the key to happiness and health inspired the speaker to change his priorities.
• The speaker is now holding dinner parties around the world and inviting subscribers to join him and his guests.
• To attend a dinner party, viewers must hit the subscribe button on the YouTube channel.

The Longest Study on Human Life

• The study is the longest study of human life ever done, with the same people going through their entire adult lives.
• The study started in 1938 with 724 families, and it is still ongoing.
• The study was looking at mental health, physical health, work life, and relationships.
• The study has looked at all of these domains repeatedly over 85 years.
• The study has changed its methods over time, from interviews and medical exams to drawing blood for DNA and putting people into MRI machines.

Two Studies of Good Normal Development

• The study started as two studies that didn't know about each other.
• One study was of Harvard college students, and the other was of boys from the city of Boston whose families were known to social service agencies for domestic violence, parental mental illness, physical illness, etc.
• Both studies were studies of good normal development instead of studies of what goes wrong.
• The founders of the studies would never have dreamed that the studies would last more than five or ten years.
• The fact that the study is still ongoing and collecting data from the children of the original participants is amazing.

The Nature of What Really Makes Us Happy

• The study found that relationships are the key to keeping people happy and healthy.
• The study found that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than people who are less connected.
• The study found that it's not just the number of friends you have or whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but the quality of your close relationships that matters.
• The study found that people who are in high-conflict marriages and relationships are less happy and less healthy than people who are not.
• The study found that people who have good relationships with their siblings when they're younger are happier when they're older.

The Importance of Investing in Relationships

• The speaker's mission is to bring the science of the study to people in ways they can use.
• The speaker wants people to invest in their relationships, because relationships are the key to happiness and health.
• The speaker wants people to prioritize time with their loved ones, because time is a finite resource.
• The speaker wants people to work on repairing broken relationships, because it's never too late to improve a relationship.
• The speaker wants people to focus on the quality of their relationships, because it's not just about having more friends or being in a committed relationship.

The Study and Its Participants

• The study is the longest ever done on human happiness.
• The study focuses on relationships and their impact on happiness and health.
• The study has been ongoing for decades.
• The study has collected about 30 normal brains of participants who have passed away.
• The brains are rare because they are about people whose lives were well-documented.

The Director and His Personal Changes

• The speaker is the director of the study.
• The study aims to answer questions about happiness and health.
• The speaker has been studying the participants for decades.
• The biggest finding of the study is that relationships keep people healthier and happier.
• The speaker has become more intentional about taking care of his own relationships.
• The speaker used to work non-stop, but he has learned to prioritize his relationships.

Misconceptions About Happiness

• Most people are bad at knowing what they want and what makes them happy.
• People are bad at predicting what will make them happy.
• Small conversations with strangers or acquaintances can be energizing.
• People are often afraid of striking up conversations with strangers.
• People are often afraid of getting stuck talking to someone they don't like.

The Importance of Relationships

• Relationships are the key to happiness and health.
• Good relationships protect people's bodies and brains.
• Loneliness is toxic and can lead to premature death.
• Quality relationships are more important than quantity.
• Good relationships require effort and intentionality.

The Truth About Happiness

• Culture gives us messages about what will make us happy that turn out not to be the truth.
• Consumerism is not the key to happiness.
• Connections with each other actually make us happy.
• Curiosity about another person is giving them a gift.
• Wanting to be seen and heard makes us feel like we belong.

The Misconceptions About Happiness

• Fame, wealth, and badges of achievement are not the keys to happiness.
• Culture tells us all day long that these will make us happy, but they don't.
• Meaningful work can be fulfilling, but it's different from getting the prize or badge.
• Relationships are messy and complicated, but they make us happy.
• Relationships are not quantifiable, but they are the key to happiness.

The Evolutionary Basis for Striving for Fame and Wealth

• There is a proclivity to strive for things like fame and wealth.
• Zen philosophy argues that there isn't really a fixed self that's going to last after we die.
• Many of us are grabbing for things like wealth and fame to make ourselves feel more real, permanent, and fixed.
• We have a wish to dominate the Earth and each other to make ourselves feel more real.
• At some level, it's scary to know that there isn't really a fixed self that's going to last after we die.

The Importance of Relationships

• Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
• Loneliness kills, and it's as dangerous as smoking or alcoholism.
• People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer.
• Relationships are messy and complicated, but they are worth it.
• Relationships are the key to happiness and health.

The Danger of Comparison

• Comparing ourselves to others leads to suffering.
• Even positive comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
• The brain naturally engages in comparisons to make quick decisions.
• Comparisons can cause anxiety and prevent feelings of peace.
• Letting go of comparisons can lead to a sense of equanimity.

The Brain's Role in Comparison

• The brain engages in snap comparisons to determine the value of things.
• Comparisons are a tool that helps the brain make quick decisions.
• The brain is not designed for the modern world of social media and constant stimulation.
• The brain is not the enemy, but a byproduct of a changing world.
• Understanding the brain's role in comparison can help alleviate suffering.

The Animal World vs. Human Preoccupation

• Humans are preoccupied with appearance, achievement, and status.
• Animals do not worry about these things.
• Letting go of preoccupation can lead to a sense of relief.
• Practicing mindfulness can help alleviate preoccupation.
• Understanding the difference between humans and animals can help alleviate suffering.

Adapting to a Changing World

• The world is constantly changing, and we cannot leave it.
• Demonizing technology and the digital revolution is not productive.
• Adaptability is key to navigating a changing world.
• Intentionality can help us adapt and find happiness in a changing world.
• Understanding the world's changes can help alleviate suffering.

The Digital World and Intentionality

• Our brains have evolved in certain ways and need correctives.
• Digital media is designed to grab our attention and exploit our brains.
• We need real-time contact with each other for emotional and psychological nourishment.
• We need to turn away from digital software when we need to turn toward each other.
• Social media has evolved to keep us hooked on, not because it is evil, but because it is how people make a living.

Changing Our State and Discipline

• People often want to change their state to get rid of less pleasant experiences.
• One of the things we can do is simply be present for that malaise and watch it pass.
• It requires discipline to watch and not grab on for the next thing to make our feeling go away.
• Time and death are intrinsically linked to understand the importance of time.
• None of the thousands of time management techniques work unless we have discipline.

Finding Discipline

• Discipline can't just involve saying no; it has to involve having something to turn toward.
• We may be able to help each other find things to turn toward.
• Alcoholics Anonymous works because it gives a whole social network of people to support and activities to do.
• We need something to put in place of the thing we want to avoid.
• Discipline requires restraint to not give in to our impulses.

Conclusion

• We need to be intentional about turning away from the digital world and toward each other.
• We need discipline to watch and not grab on for the next thing to make our feeling go away.
• We need something to turn toward to replace the thing we want to avoid.
• Discipline requires restraint to not give in to our impulses.
• We can help each other find things to turn toward and support each other in our efforts to be disciplined.

The Importance of Relationships

• Research shows that relationships are key to keeping people happy and healthy.
• Having at least one person to whom you feel securely attached is important.
• Intimate connections can be with a romantic partner, a good friend, a sibling, or an adult child.
• Loneliness and isolation can occur even in a romantic partnership.
• The quality of a secure connection is what matters most.

The Link Between Relationships and Longevity

• Men live 12 years longer on average if they're married, and women live seven years longer on average if they're married.
• It's not the marriage license that matters, but the intimate connection.
• Having an intimate connection helps manage stress and negative emotions.
• Good relationships help manage stress and negative emotions, while loneliness and isolation can lead to higher levels of stress hormones and inflammation.
• Stress is linked to poor nutrition and short-term decision making.

The Importance of Managing Stress

• Stress happens all day long and can cause the body to go into fight or flight mode.
• Good relationships help manage stress and negative emotions, while loneliness and isolation can lead to higher levels of stress hormones and inflammation.
• Stress can break down coronary arteries, joints, and make it more likely to get type 2 diabetes.
• Stress is intrinsically linked to poor nutrition and short-term decision making.
• Men are less likely to open up and be vulnerable, which may explain why they live less long.

The Benefits of Intimate Connections

• Intimate connections help manage stress and negative emotions.
• Having at least one person to whom you feel securely attached is important.
• Intimate connections can be with a romantic partner, a good friend, a sibling, or an adult child.
• Loneliness and isolation can occur even in a romantic partnership.
• The quality of a secure connection is what matters most.

Importance of Relationships

• Stress is not reduced by the insulating effect of having supportive relationships.
• Men are more likely to withdraw during an argument, while women are more likely to pursue.
• Men often have an aversive physiologic reaction during arguments that make them want to withdraw.
• Younger boys have close friends and emotionally confide in each other, but as they get older, they stop doing that because it's not considered manly.
• Loneliness is as dangerous to health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.

Gender Stereotypes

• Men often have an aversive physiologic reaction during arguments that make them want to withdraw.
• Younger boys have close friends and emotionally confide in each other, but as they get older, they stop doing that because it's not considered manly.
• Girls continue to emotionally confide in others because they've been socialized that it's okay and feminine.
• There are more ways to feel like a real boy or man that include emotional engagement with other people.
• Hopefully, the stereotype that manly men don't emotionally engage with others is subsiding.

Loneliness and Isolation

• There's a decay of connection going on in the world, and we're getting lonelier as a species.
• Starting in the 1950s, our investment in social capital dropped off, and it seemed to coincide with the introduction of television into the American home.
• Julianne Holt lundstad estimated that being lonely is as dangerous to health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.
• Loneliness has a lot to do with social mobility, digital media, and forms of entertainment.
• We're becoming more isolated, particularly in the United States, the UK, and the developed world.

Effects of Loneliness

• Being lonely is as dangerous to health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.
• The brain declines sooner, and the onset of Alzheimer's is earlier in people who are lonely.
• Social isolation and loneliness damage us as we go through adult life.
• There are very real concrete effects of social isolation and loneliness.
• Loneliness and social isolation are becoming more prevalent in the developed world.

The Importance of Relationships

• Loneliness can increase the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.
• Relationships stimulate brain pathways and prevent dementia.
• Relationships can be scary and unpredictable, but they are good for our brains.
• Good relationships are essential for happiness and health.
• Most people take relationships for granted because they have always been around.

Understanding the Value of Relationships

• People are not good at understanding the value of relationships.
• Relationships are often taken for granted because they are always present.
• Research shows that good relationships have powerful effects on happiness and health.
• Relationships need to be nurtured and cultivated throughout life.
• Discernment is required when dealing with toxic relationships.

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10 Life-changing Lessons From The Longest Ever Study On Human Happiness! Dr. Robert Waldinger | E246 - YouTube