Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

Last updated: Jul 6, 2023

Summary of Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

1. The Four Tendencies

Gretchen Rubin introduces the concept of the Four Tendencies, which categorizes people based on how they respond to expectations. The four tendencies are Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. Understanding your tendency can help you better understand how you respond to both internal and external expectations, and ultimately, how to create habits that work for you.

For example, Upholders readily meet both inner and outer expectations, making them self-motivated and disciplined. Questioners need to understand the reasoning behind expectations before they can meet them, so they may struggle with habits that don't align with their values. Obligers easily meet outer expectations but struggle with inner expectations, so they may benefit from external accountability. Rebels resist all expectations, so they may need to focus on creating habits that align with their sense of freedom and identity.

2. The Strategy of Monitoring

Monitoring is a powerful strategy for habit formation. By tracking and measuring your behavior, you become more aware of your habits and can make adjustments as needed. Rubin suggests using tools like habit trackers, journaling, or even wearable devices to monitor your progress.

Monitoring helps you identify patterns, triggers, and obstacles that may be hindering your progress. It also provides a sense of accountability and motivation. For example, if you're trying to eat healthier, keeping a food journal can help you identify patterns of emotional eating or specific triggers that lead to unhealthy choices. Armed with this information, you can then make targeted changes to improve your habits.

3. The Power of Habit Pairing

Habit pairing is the practice of linking a new habit with an existing one. By doing this, you leverage the power of an established habit to help you adopt a new one. For example, if you want to start a daily meditation practice but struggle to find the time, you can pair it with an existing habit like brushing your teeth. Every time you brush your teeth, you can also spend a few minutes meditating.

This strategy works because the existing habit serves as a cue or reminder for the new habit. Over time, the two become linked in your mind, making it easier to stick to the new habit. Habit pairing can be applied to various areas of life, from exercise to reading to household chores, making it a versatile and effective tool for habit formation.

4. The Importance of Self-Knowledge

Self-knowledge is a key component of successful habit formation. Understanding your personality, values, strengths, and weaknesses can help you design habits that align with who you are and what you want to achieve. It also allows you to anticipate potential obstacles and develop strategies to overcome them.

For example, if you know you're an Obliger who struggles with inner expectations, you can set up external accountability systems to ensure you follow through on your commitments. If you're a Rebel who resists all expectations, you can focus on creating habits that give you a sense of freedom and choice.

Self-knowledge also helps you identify your priorities and set realistic goals. By aligning your habits with your values and aspirations, you increase your chances of long-term success and fulfillment.

5. The Role of Rewards

Rewards play a crucial role in habit formation. Rubin suggests that rewards should be used strategically to reinforce desired behaviors and make habits more enjoyable. However, not all rewards are created equal.

Intrinsic rewards, such as the satisfaction of completing a task or the joy of engaging in an activity, are more effective in sustaining habits than external rewards. External rewards, like treats or material possessions, can be helpful in the short term but may not lead to lasting behavior change.

When using rewards, it's important to choose ones that are meaningful to you and aligned with your values. For example, if you're trying to exercise regularly, rewarding yourself with a relaxing bath or a favorite podcast episode can make the habit more enjoyable and reinforce the behavior.

6. The Power of Identity

Your identity plays a significant role in habit formation. When a habit aligns with your sense of self, it becomes easier to adopt and maintain. Rubin suggests that one way to reinforce a habit is to adopt the identity of someone who already possesses that habit.

For example, if you want to become a writer, start referring to yourself as a writer and embody the habits and behaviors associated with that identity. Over time, this shift in identity can make it easier to stick to the habit and overcome obstacles.

By consciously shaping your identity and aligning it with your desired habits, you can tap into the power of self-perception and make lasting changes.

7. The Strategy of Scheduling

Scheduling is a powerful strategy for habit formation. By assigning a specific time and place for a habit, you increase the likelihood of following through. Rubin suggests that scheduling habits as non-negotiable appointments with yourself can help overcome resistance and make them a priority.

For example, if you want to start a daily exercise routine, schedule it at a specific time each day and treat it as an unbreakable commitment. By making it a non-negotiable part of your schedule, you eliminate decision fatigue and increase the chances of following through.

Scheduling also helps create a sense of structure and routine, making habits more automatic and less reliant on willpower.

8. The Strategy of Convenience

Convenience is a powerful factor in habit formation. Making desired behaviors easy and accessible increases the likelihood of adopting and maintaining them. On the other hand, adding friction to unwanted behaviors can help break bad habits.

For example, if you want to eat healthier, make sure your kitchen is stocked with nutritious foods and remove tempting snacks from sight. By making healthy options more convenient and less effortful, you increase the chances of making better choices.

Similarly, if you want to reduce screen time, make it harder to access devices by keeping them out of reach or setting up time restrictions. By adding friction to the behavior, you make it less automatic and more conscious, giving yourself the opportunity to make a different choice.

Overall, understanding the power of convenience can help you design your environment in a way that supports your desired habits and reduces the likelihood of falling into unproductive or unhealthy patterns.

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