Getting (More of) What You Want by Margaret A. Neale and Thomas Z. Lys

Last updated: Aug 12, 2023

Summary of Getting (More of) What You Want by Margaret A. Neale and Thomas Z. Lys

Getting (More of) What You Want by Margaret A. Neale and Thomas Z. Lys is a comprehensive guide that provides practical strategies and techniques for achieving successful negotiations in both personal and professional settings. The book emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying interests and motivations of all parties involved in a negotiation, and offers valuable insights into how to effectively communicate and collaborate to reach mutually beneficial agreements.

The authors begin by debunking common negotiation myths and misconceptions, such as the belief that negotiation is a zero-sum game where one party must win at the expense of the other. They argue that successful negotiations are not about winning or losing, but rather about finding creative solutions that satisfy the interests of all parties involved.

One of the key principles highlighted in the book is the concept of "expanding the pie," which involves identifying and creating value in a negotiation. The authors explain that by focusing on common interests and exploring alternative options, negotiators can often find opportunities to increase the overall value of the deal for everyone involved.

The book also emphasizes the importance of effective communication and active listening in negotiations. Neale and Lys provide practical tips for improving communication skills, such as asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing to ensure understanding, and using nonverbal cues to convey interest and empathy.

Furthermore, the authors delve into the psychology of negotiations, discussing the impact of emotions, biases, and cognitive limitations on decision-making. They provide strategies for managing emotions and biases, as well as techniques for overcoming common cognitive traps that can hinder effective negotiation outcomes.

In addition to exploring the dynamics of one-on-one negotiations, the book also addresses the complexities of multi-party negotiations and offers guidance on how to navigate these situations successfully. Neale and Lys provide insights into coalition building, managing conflicting interests, and leveraging power dynamics to achieve favorable outcomes.

Throughout the book, the authors illustrate their concepts and strategies with real-life examples and case studies, making the content relatable and applicable to various negotiation scenarios. They also provide practical exercises and self-assessment tools to help readers develop and refine their negotiation skills.

In conclusion, Getting (More of) What You Want is a comprehensive and practical guide to negotiation, offering valuable insights and strategies for achieving successful outcomes. Whether you are negotiating a business deal, resolving conflicts in personal relationships, or navigating complex multi-party negotiations, this book provides the tools and knowledge needed to become a more effective negotiator.

1. The Power of Negotiation

In "Getting (More of) What You Want," the authors emphasize the importance of negotiation in various aspects of life. They explain that negotiation is not just about haggling over prices or terms; it is a fundamental skill that can help individuals achieve their goals and improve their relationships. The book provides practical strategies and techniques to become a more effective negotiator, such as understanding the other party's interests, finding common ground, and creating value through creative problem-solving.

By highlighting the power of negotiation, the authors empower readers to take control of their interactions and achieve better outcomes. Whether it's negotiating a salary, resolving conflicts, or making business deals, the book offers valuable insights and actionable advice to help individuals navigate the complexities of negotiation and get more of what they want.

2. The Importance of Preparation

One of the key takeaways from "Getting (More of) What You Want" is the significance of preparation in negotiation. The authors stress that thorough preparation is essential for success, as it allows individuals to understand their own interests, identify potential trade-offs, and anticipate the other party's perspective.

The book provides a step-by-step guide to effective preparation, including conducting research, setting objectives, and developing a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). By investing time and effort into preparation, individuals can enter negotiations with confidence and increase their chances of achieving favorable outcomes.

3. Building Trust and Rapport

In "Getting (More of) What You Want," Neale and Lys emphasize the importance of building trust and rapport in negotiations. They explain that trust is the foundation of successful negotiations, as it enables parties to collaborate, share information, and find mutually beneficial solutions.

The book offers practical advice on how to build trust, such as active listening, showing empathy, and demonstrating integrity. By fostering trust and rapport, individuals can create a positive negotiation environment and increase the likelihood of reaching agreements that satisfy both parties.

4. Understanding Interests and Needs

Another key takeaway from the book is the importance of understanding the underlying interests and needs of all parties involved in a negotiation. Neale and Lys argue that focusing on interests rather than positions allows for more creative problem-solving and the potential to create value.

The authors provide strategies for uncovering interests, such as asking open-ended questions, actively listening, and exploring potential trade-offs. By understanding the underlying interests and needs of all parties, individuals can find win-win solutions that go beyond simple compromises.

5. Overcoming Biases and Cognitive Traps

"Getting (More of) What You Want" highlights the role of biases and cognitive traps in negotiation and offers strategies to overcome them. The authors explain that biases, such as anchoring, confirmation bias, and overconfidence, can hinder effective decision-making and lead to suboptimal outcomes.

The book provides techniques to mitigate biases, such as seeking diverse perspectives, considering multiple alternatives, and using objective criteria. By being aware of biases and actively working to overcome them, individuals can make more rational and informed decisions during negotiations.

6. Effective Communication and Persuasion

Neale and Lys emphasize the importance of effective communication and persuasion in negotiation. They argue that clear and persuasive communication is essential for conveying interests, building rapport, and influencing the other party.

The book offers practical tips for effective communication, such as using active listening, framing messages, and adapting communication styles to different individuals. By mastering the art of communication and persuasion, individuals can enhance their negotiation skills and increase their chances of achieving desired outcomes.

7. Managing Emotions and Conflict

"Getting (More of) What You Want" acknowledges the role of emotions and conflict in negotiations and provides strategies for managing them effectively. The authors explain that emotions can impact decision-making and escalate conflicts, but they can also be used constructively to build rapport and find common ground.

The book offers techniques for managing emotions and conflict, such as reframing negative emotions, separating people from the problem, and focusing on shared interests. By understanding and managing emotions, individuals can navigate negotiations more effectively and reach mutually beneficial agreements.

8. Continuous Learning and Improvement

The final takeaway from the book is the importance of continuous learning and improvement in negotiation skills. Neale and Lys emphasize that negotiation is a lifelong journey, and individuals can always refine their skills and strategies.

The book encourages readers to reflect on their negotiation experiences, seek feedback, and learn from both successes and failures. By adopting a growth mindset and continuously improving their negotiation skills, individuals can become more effective negotiators and achieve better outcomes in various aspects of life.