Getting Past No by William Ury

Last updated: Jul 4, 2023

Summary of Getting Past No by William Ury

Getting Past No by William Ury is a comprehensive guide to negotiating effectively and overcoming obstacles in difficult situations. The book provides practical strategies and techniques for dealing with resistance, defensiveness, and aggression in order to reach mutually beneficial agreements.

The author begins by emphasizing the importance of understanding the underlying interests and needs of both parties involved in a negotiation. He suggests that by focusing on common interests, it becomes easier to find creative solutions that satisfy both sides. Ury introduces the concept of "going to the balcony," which involves stepping back from the immediate conflict and taking a broader perspective to gain clarity and objectivity.

Ury then outlines a five-step strategy for negotiation called "The Breakthrough Strategy." The first step is to "go to the balcony" and detach oneself emotionally from the situation. This allows for a more rational and strategic approach to the negotiation. The second step is to "step to their side" and understand the other party's perspective and interests. By empathizing with their concerns, it becomes easier to find common ground.

The third step is to "reframe" the situation by changing the way it is perceived. Ury suggests focusing on shared goals and finding win-win solutions rather than getting caught up in a win-lose mentality. The fourth step is to "build them a golden bridge" by offering the other party a face-saving way out of the conflict. This helps to reduce defensiveness and resistance.

The final step is to "use power to educate" by using objective criteria and standards to support one's position. Ury emphasizes the importance of fairness and legitimacy in order to gain the other party's trust and cooperation. He also provides strategies for dealing with difficult tactics such as personal attacks, stonewalling, and ultimatums.

Throughout the book, Ury provides numerous real-life examples and case studies to illustrate his strategies and techniques. He also offers practical exercises and worksheets to help readers apply the concepts to their own negotiation situations.

In conclusion, Getting Past No is a comprehensive guide to negotiating effectively and overcoming obstacles in difficult situations. It provides practical strategies and techniques for dealing with resistance, defensiveness, and aggression in order to reach mutually beneficial agreements. By focusing on common interests, reframing the situation, and using objective criteria, negotiators can overcome barriers and achieve successful outcomes.

1. Understanding the power of listening

One of the key takeaways from "Getting Past No" is the importance of active listening in negotiation. Ury emphasizes that listening is not just about hearing the words being spoken, but also about understanding the underlying interests and emotions of the other party. By actively listening, we can gain valuable insights into the other person's perspective and find common ground for a mutually beneficial solution.

Ury suggests several techniques to improve listening skills, such as paraphrasing and summarizing the other person's points to ensure understanding. He also emphasizes the importance of non-verbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice, in understanding the emotions behind the words. By mastering the art of listening, we can create a more productive and empathetic negotiation process.

2. Shifting from positions to interests

In "Getting Past No," Ury introduces the concept of shifting from positions to interests in negotiation. Positions are the specific demands or solutions that each party holds, while interests are the underlying needs, desires, and concerns that drive those positions. Ury argues that by focusing on interests rather than positions, we can uncover creative solutions that meet both parties' needs.

Ury suggests asking open-ended questions to understand the other person's interests and motivations. By exploring these underlying interests, we can find common ground and generate options that address both parties' concerns. This shift from positions to interests allows for more flexible and collaborative problem-solving, leading to better outcomes for all involved.

3. Building a positive working relationship

Another key takeaway from "Getting Past No" is the importance of building a positive working relationship with the other party. Ury emphasizes that negotiation is not just a one-time transaction but an ongoing relationship. By investing in building trust and rapport, we can create a foundation for future negotiations and collaborations.

Ury suggests several strategies for building a positive working relationship, such as showing respect, acknowledging the other person's perspective, and finding areas of agreement. He also emphasizes the importance of separating the person from the problem, focusing on the issues at hand rather than personal attacks. By fostering a positive working relationship, we can create a more constructive and productive negotiation process.

4. Managing emotions effectively

Emotions play a significant role in negotiation, and "Getting Past No" provides insights into managing emotions effectively. Ury emphasizes the importance of understanding and acknowledging our own emotions and those of the other party. By recognizing and addressing emotions, we can prevent them from derailing the negotiation process.

Ury suggests several techniques for managing emotions, such as taking a break to cool down, using "I" statements to express feelings, and reframing negative emotions into positive ones. He also emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding the other person's emotions. By managing emotions effectively, we can create a more rational and productive negotiation environment.

5. Developing a BATNA

Ury introduces the concept of BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) in "Getting Past No." BATNA refers to the alternative course of action that a party can take if the negotiation fails to reach a satisfactory agreement. Ury argues that having a strong BATNA empowers negotiators and increases their leverage in the negotiation process.

Ury suggests several strategies for developing a BATNA, such as exploring alternative options, researching alternatives, and considering the consequences of not reaching an agreement. By developing a strong BATNA, negotiators can approach the negotiation with confidence and flexibility, knowing that they have viable alternatives if the negotiation fails.

6. Using objective criteria

In "Getting Past No," Ury emphasizes the importance of using objective criteria in negotiation. Objective criteria are external standards or benchmarks that can be used to evaluate the fairness and reasonableness of proposed solutions. By relying on objective criteria, negotiators can avoid subjective judgments and biases.

Ury suggests several types of objective criteria, such as market value, industry standards, and legal precedents. By using objective criteria, negotiators can shift the focus from personal opinions and preferences to more objective standards of fairness. This approach increases the likelihood of reaching a mutually acceptable agreement.

7. Overcoming resistance and obstacles

Ury provides valuable insights into overcoming resistance and obstacles in negotiation. He acknowledges that resistance is a natural part of the negotiation process and suggests several strategies for addressing it effectively.

Ury suggests reframing resistance as an opportunity for problem-solving and exploring underlying interests. He also emphasizes the importance of persistence and patience in overcoming obstacles. By understanding and addressing resistance, negotiators can navigate through challenging situations and find mutually beneficial solutions.

8. Applying negotiation principles to everyday life

One of the unique aspects of "Getting Past No" is its applicability beyond formal negotiation settings. Ury encourages readers to apply negotiation principles to everyday life, such as personal relationships, workplace dynamics, and community interactions.

Ury suggests that by adopting a collaborative and problem-solving mindset, we can improve communication, resolve conflicts, and build stronger relationships. He provides practical examples and exercises to help readers apply negotiation principles in various contexts. By integrating negotiation skills into our daily lives, we can enhance our ability to navigate challenges and achieve mutually beneficial outcomes.