Getting Past Yes by William Ury

Last updated: Sep 3, 2023

Summary of Getting Past Yes by William Ury

Getting Past Yes by William Ury is a comprehensive guide to negotiation strategies and techniques that can help individuals and organizations achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. Ury, a renowned negotiation expert and co-founder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, presents a step-by-step approach to overcoming obstacles and reaching successful agreements.

The book begins by emphasizing the importance of understanding the underlying interests and needs of all parties involved in a negotiation. Ury introduces the concept of "going to the balcony," which involves stepping back from the immediate situation and gaining perspective to better assess the interests at stake.

Ury then introduces the concept of "getting to yes," which involves finding common ground and focusing on shared interests rather than positions. He emphasizes the importance of separating people from the problem and maintaining open lines of communication to build trust and understanding.

One of the key strategies presented in the book is the concept of "BATNA" (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Ury explains how having a strong BATNA can empower negotiators and provide leverage during the negotiation process. He provides practical advice on how to assess and improve one's BATNA.

Ury also explores the concept of "negotiating with difficult people" and provides strategies for dealing with challenging personalities and high-stakes situations. He emphasizes the importance of remaining calm, listening actively, and reframing the conversation to find common ground.

The book also delves into the importance of managing emotions during negotiations. Ury provides techniques for handling anger, frustration, and other strong emotions that can hinder effective communication and problem-solving.

Throughout the book, Ury emphasizes the importance of principled negotiation, which involves focusing on objective criteria and fair standards rather than personal biases or power dynamics. He provides practical tips for identifying and using objective criteria to reach mutually beneficial agreements.

Ury concludes the book by highlighting the importance of persistence and creativity in negotiations. He encourages readers to think outside the box and explore alternative solutions that can satisfy the interests of all parties involved.

In summary, Getting Past Yes by William Ury is a comprehensive guide to negotiation strategies and techniques. It provides practical advice on understanding interests, building trust, managing emotions, and reaching mutually beneficial agreements. The book is a valuable resource for individuals and organizations seeking to improve their negotiation skills and achieve successful outcomes.

1. The Power of Listening

One of the key takeaways from "Getting Past Yes" is the importance of active listening in negotiations. William Ury emphasizes that listening is not just about hearing the words being spoken, but also understanding the underlying needs and interests of the other party. By truly listening, we can gain valuable insights into the motivations and concerns of the other person, which can help us find creative solutions that meet both parties' needs. Ury suggests using reflective listening techniques, such as paraphrasing and summarizing, to ensure that we have understood the other person correctly. By demonstrating that we are genuinely interested in understanding their perspective, we can build trust and create a more collaborative negotiation process.

2. The Power of Empathy

Another important insight from the book is the power of empathy in negotiations. Ury explains that empathy involves putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and understanding their emotions and experiences. By showing empathy, we can create a more positive and constructive negotiation environment. Ury suggests using "I" statements to express empathy, such as "I can understand why you feel that way" or "I can imagine how frustrating that must be for you." This helps to validate the other person's feelings and shows that we are willing to consider their perspective. By demonstrating empathy, we can build rapport and foster a more collaborative negotiation process.

3. The Importance of Separating People from the Problem

One of the key insights from "Getting Past Yes" is the importance of separating people from the problem in negotiations. Ury explains that conflicts often arise because people's egos and identities become intertwined with the issues being discussed. By separating the people from the problem, we can focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions without attacking or blaming each other. Ury suggests using "I" statements to express our concerns and interests, rather than making personal attacks. By depersonalizing the problem, we can create a more constructive negotiation environment and increase the chances of reaching a win-win outcome.

4. The Power of BATNA

Another valuable concept discussed in the book is the importance of having a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) in negotiations. Ury explains that having a strong BATNA gives us leverage and confidence in negotiations. It provides us with a viable alternative if the current negotiation does not result in a satisfactory outcome. Ury suggests investing time and effort in developing our BATNA by exploring other options and alternatives. By having a strong BATNA, we can negotiate from a position of strength and increase the likelihood of achieving our desired outcome.

5. The Value of Creating Options

Ury emphasizes the importance of creating options in negotiations. He suggests that instead of focusing on a single solution, we should brainstorm multiple possibilities that could meet both parties' needs. By generating a variety of options, we increase the chances of finding a mutually beneficial agreement. Ury suggests using techniques such as "What if?" questions and considering third-party perspectives to stimulate creative thinking. By exploring different options, we can find innovative solutions that may not have been initially apparent.

6. The Power of Objective Criteria

Ury highlights the importance of using objective criteria in negotiations. Instead of relying solely on subjective opinions and preferences, he suggests using external standards or benchmarks to evaluate potential solutions. By using objective criteria, we can remove personal biases and emotions from the negotiation process, making it more fair and rational. Ury suggests identifying relevant standards or precedents that can be used as a basis for evaluating proposals. By anchoring the negotiation in objective criteria, we can increase the chances of reaching a mutually acceptable agreement.

7. The Role of Patience and Persistence

Ury emphasizes the importance of patience and persistence in negotiations. He explains that negotiations can often be complex and time-consuming, requiring multiple rounds of discussions and revisions. Ury suggests being patient and not rushing the process, as it takes time to build trust and explore all possible options. He also advises being persistent and not giving up easily, even when faced with obstacles or setbacks. By staying committed to the negotiation process, we increase the chances of finding a mutually beneficial agreement.

8. The Power of Collaboration

Lastly, Ury highlights the power of collaboration in negotiations. He suggests that instead of approaching negotiations as a win-lose game, we should strive for win-win outcomes that benefit both parties. Ury emphasizes the importance of building relationships and trust with the other party, as this creates a more collaborative and cooperative negotiation environment. By working together, we can find creative solutions that address both parties' interests and needs. Ury suggests focusing on common goals and shared interests to foster collaboration. By adopting a collaborative mindset, we can create more sustainable and mutually beneficial agreements.