Getting Together by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown

Last updated: Sep 4, 2023

Summary of Getting Together by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown

Getting Together by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown is a comprehensive guide to building and maintaining successful relationships. The book provides practical advice and strategies for effective communication, negotiation, and conflict resolution.

The authors emphasize the importance of understanding the interests and needs of others in order to create mutually beneficial relationships. They argue that by focusing on common goals and finding win-win solutions, individuals can build strong and lasting connections.

The book outlines a step-by-step process for effective negotiation, starting with preparation and planning. It emphasizes the importance of separating people from the problem and focusing on interests rather than positions. The authors also stress the significance of active listening and empathy in order to understand the perspectives of others.

Getting Together also provides guidance on managing conflicts and resolving disputes. The authors introduce the concept of principled negotiation, which involves identifying and addressing underlying issues rather than engaging in personal attacks. They offer practical techniques for managing emotions and finding creative solutions.

In addition to negotiation and conflict resolution, the book explores the importance of building trust and maintaining positive relationships. The authors discuss the role of communication in fostering understanding and collaboration. They provide strategies for effective communication, including active listening, asking open-ended questions, and expressing oneself clearly and respectfully.

Furthermore, Getting Together addresses the challenges of dealing with difficult people and managing power imbalances. The authors offer advice on how to handle difficult conversations and navigate power dynamics in a constructive manner.

The book also delves into the role of culture in relationships and provides insights on how to navigate cultural differences. It emphasizes the importance of cultural sensitivity and understanding in building successful relationships across diverse backgrounds.

Overall, Getting Together is a comprehensive guide that offers practical advice and strategies for building and maintaining successful relationships. It provides valuable insights into effective communication, negotiation, conflict resolution, and cultural understanding. The book is a valuable resource for individuals seeking to improve their interpersonal skills and create positive and productive relationships.

1. The importance of separating people from the problem

In "Getting Together," Fisher and Brown emphasize the significance of separating people from the problem when engaging in negotiations or resolving conflicts. They argue that by focusing on the problem itself rather than personal emotions or biases, individuals can foster a more productive and collaborative environment. By acknowledging and addressing emotions, perceptions, and communication barriers, parties can work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.

This approach allows individuals to view the problem objectively and avoid personal attacks or defensiveness. By understanding the interests and concerns of all parties involved, it becomes easier to find common ground and reach agreements that satisfy everyone's needs. Separating people from the problem promotes empathy, active listening, and effective communication, ultimately leading to more successful negotiations and conflict resolution.

2. The power of active listening

Active listening is a crucial skill highlighted in "Getting Together." Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of truly understanding the perspectives and interests of others involved in a negotiation or conflict. Active listening involves giving undivided attention, paraphrasing, and asking clarifying questions to ensure a clear understanding of the other party's position.

By actively listening, individuals can demonstrate respect, build trust, and foster open communication. It allows for the identification of underlying interests and needs, which can lead to creative problem-solving and the development of mutually beneficial solutions. Active listening also helps to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations, reducing the likelihood of conflicts escalating. By practicing active listening, individuals can enhance their negotiation skills and create a more collaborative and productive environment.

3. The significance of focusing on interests, not positions

Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of focusing on interests rather than positions when engaging in negotiations. Positions are the specific demands or solutions proposed by each party, while interests are the underlying needs, desires, and concerns that drive those positions. By understanding the interests of all parties involved, individuals can identify common ground and explore alternative solutions that address those interests.

By focusing on interests, individuals can move beyond rigid positions and find creative solutions that satisfy everyone's needs. This approach encourages collaboration and problem-solving rather than a win-lose mentality. It also allows for flexibility and adaptability, as parties can explore various options that meet their interests. By shifting the focus from positions to interests, individuals can achieve more successful and sustainable outcomes in negotiations and conflict resolution.

4. The value of generating multiple options

In "Getting Together," Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of generating multiple options when seeking solutions to conflicts or negotiations. They argue that by exploring a wide range of possibilities, individuals can increase the likelihood of finding mutually beneficial agreements.

By brainstorming and considering various options, individuals can tap into their creativity and think outside the box. This approach encourages collaboration and allows for the integration of different perspectives and interests. It also helps to avoid premature judgments or settling for suboptimal solutions. By generating multiple options, individuals can increase the chances of finding innovative and win-win outcomes.

5. The role of objective criteria in decision-making

Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of using objective criteria when making decisions in negotiations or conflict resolution. Objective criteria are fair and impartial standards that can be used to evaluate proposed solutions. By relying on objective criteria, individuals can avoid biases, personal preferences, or arbitrary judgments.

Objective criteria provide a common ground for parties to assess the feasibility and fairness of potential solutions. It helps to depersonalize the decision-making process and focus on rational and logical considerations. By using objective criteria, individuals can increase transparency, build trust, and ensure that decisions are based on merit rather than subjective opinions.

6. The significance of building relationships and trust

In "Getting Together," Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of building relationships and trust when engaging in negotiations or resolving conflicts. They argue that trust is the foundation for effective communication, collaboration, and problem-solving.

Building relationships involves investing time and effort in understanding the other party's perspective, interests, and concerns. It requires empathy, active listening, and open-mindedness. By building relationships, individuals can create a more positive and collaborative environment, where parties are more willing to share information, explore options, and work towards mutually beneficial outcomes.

7. The power of BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)

Fisher and Brown highlight the importance of having a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) in negotiations. BATNA refers to the alternative course of action an individual can take if a negotiated agreement cannot be reached.

By understanding and developing a strong BATNA, individuals can negotiate from a position of strength and confidence. It provides a viable alternative and reduces the pressure to accept unfavorable agreements. Having a BATNA also helps individuals set realistic expectations and assess the value of potential agreements. By considering their BATNA, individuals can make informed decisions and negotiate more effectively.

8. The significance of managing emotions and perceptions

Fisher and Brown emphasize the importance of managing emotions and perceptions when engaging in negotiations or resolving conflicts. They argue that emotions and perceptions can significantly impact the negotiation process and outcomes.

By acknowledging and addressing emotions, individuals can prevent conflicts from escalating and create a more constructive environment. It involves understanding one's own emotions and managing them effectively, as well as recognizing and empathizing with the emotions of others. Managing perceptions involves being aware of biases, assumptions, and misinterpretations that can hinder effective communication and collaboration. By managing emotions and perceptions, individuals can foster a more positive and productive negotiation process.