It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

Last updated: Aug 29, 2023

Summary of It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken is a self-help book written by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. The book aims to provide guidance and support for individuals going through a breakup or struggling with a failing relationship.

The authors begin by emphasizing the importance of accepting the reality of a breakup and acknowledging that it is a natural part of life. They explain that a breakup occurs because the relationship was not working and that holding onto false hope or trying to fix an irreparable situation will only prolong the pain.

The book offers practical advice on how to cope with the emotional turmoil that follows a breakup. It encourages readers to allow themselves to grieve and feel their emotions fully, rather than suppressing or denying them. The authors emphasize the importance of self-care during this time, including engaging in activities that bring joy and seeking support from friends and family.

Behrendt and Ruotola-Behrendt also address common misconceptions and myths surrounding breakups. They debunk the idea that there is only one soulmate or that a breakup means failure. They emphasize that a breakup is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery, and that it does not define one's worth or future happiness.

The book provides practical tips on how to navigate the post-breakup period, including advice on dealing with social media, mutual friends, and shared belongings. It also offers guidance on how to establish healthy boundaries and avoid falling into destructive patterns, such as seeking revenge or engaging in rebound relationships.

Throughout the book, the authors use humor and personal anecdotes to connect with readers and make the content relatable. They provide reassurance that healing takes time and that it is normal to experience setbacks along the way. They also emphasize the importance of forgiveness, both towards oneself and the ex-partner, in order to move forward and find happiness again.

In conclusion, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken is a comprehensive self-help book that offers practical advice, emotional support, and reassurance to individuals going through a breakup. It encourages readers to embrace the opportunity for growth, practice self-care, and ultimately find happiness and love again.

1. Acceptance is key

One of the most important takeaways from this book is the concept of acceptance. The authors emphasize the importance of accepting the reality of a breakup and not clinging onto false hope or trying to change the situation. They explain that accepting the end of a relationship allows you to move forward and heal. It is only through acceptance that you can begin to let go of the pain and start rebuilding your life.

Acceptance also means acknowledging your own role in the breakup and taking responsibility for your actions. This self-reflection is crucial for personal growth and learning from past mistakes. By accepting the breakup and your part in it, you can gain a clearer understanding of what went wrong and how to avoid similar patterns in future relationships.

2. Don't settle for less than you deserve

The book emphasizes the importance of not settling for less than you deserve in a relationship. It encourages readers to have high standards and not to accept mistreatment or neglect. The authors explain that settling for less than you deserve only leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction in the long run.

They provide practical advice on how to recognize red flags and warning signs in a relationship, such as lack of communication, disrespect, or a partner who is not fully committed. By being aware of these signs and having the courage to walk away from a relationship that doesn't meet your needs, you can create space for a healthier and more fulfilling partnership in the future.

3. Focus on self-care

The book emphasizes the importance of self-care during and after a breakup. The authors stress that taking care of yourself should be a top priority during this difficult time. They provide practical tips on how to practice self-care, such as engaging in activities that bring you joy, seeking support from friends and family, and taking time to heal and reflect.

By focusing on self-care, you can rebuild your self-esteem and regain your sense of self-worth. It allows you to nurture yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally, which is essential for healing and moving forward. The authors remind readers that self-care is not selfish but necessary for personal growth and well-being.

4. Let go of the past

The book emphasizes the importance of letting go of the past in order to move forward. The authors explain that holding onto past memories, regrets, or resentments only prolongs the healing process and prevents you from fully embracing the present and future.

They provide practical advice on how to let go, such as practicing forgiveness, reframing negative thoughts, and focusing on the lessons learned from the past. By letting go of the past, you create space for new opportunities and experiences. It allows you to open yourself up to new relationships and possibilities.

5. Surround yourself with positive influences

The book emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with positive influences during and after a breakup. The authors explain that being around supportive and uplifting people can greatly aid in the healing process.

They encourage readers to seek out friends and family who provide emotional support, understanding, and encouragement. They also suggest engaging in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and help distract from the pain of the breakup. By surrounding yourself with positive influences, you create a supportive network that can help you navigate the challenges of a breakup and provide a sense of belonging and connection.

6. Take time to heal

The book emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal after a breakup. The authors explain that healing is a process that takes time and cannot be rushed. They encourage readers to be patient with themselves and allow themselves to grieve and process their emotions.

They provide practical advice on how to heal, such as journaling, seeking therapy or counseling, and engaging in self-reflection. By taking the time to heal, you can work through your emotions and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. It allows you to emerge from the breakup stronger and more resilient.

7. Learn from the experience

The book emphasizes the importance of learning from the experience of a breakup. The authors explain that every relationship, even failed ones, can teach valuable lessons about yourself and what you want in a partner.

They encourage readers to reflect on the patterns and behaviors that contributed to the breakup and to use this knowledge to grow and improve. By learning from the experience, you can make better choices in future relationships and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

8. Embrace the future

The book emphasizes the importance of embracing the future and not letting a breakup define your life. The authors explain that a breakup is not the end but a new beginning.

They encourage readers to have hope and optimism for the future, to set new goals and aspirations, and to believe in the possibility of finding love again. By embracing the future, you can create a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, even after a painful breakup.