Parenting with Presence by Susan Stiffelman

Last updated: Aug 28, 2023

Summary of Parenting with Presence by Susan Stiffelman

Parenting with Presence by Susan Stiffelman is a comprehensive guide that offers practical advice and insights for parents who want to raise happy, confident, and resilient children. Stiffelman, a licensed marriage and family therapist, draws on her years of experience working with families to provide a wealth of wisdom and strategies for navigating the challenges of modern parenting.

The book begins by emphasizing the importance of being present with our children. Stiffelman explains that being present means fully engaging with our children, listening to them without judgment, and being attuned to their needs and emotions. She highlights the significance of creating a strong parent-child connection, which forms the foundation for healthy relationships and effective discipline.

Stiffelman explores various aspects of parenting, including communication, discipline, and self-care. She offers practical tips for effective communication, such as active listening and using empathy to understand our children's perspectives. She also provides guidance on setting boundaries and limits, while still maintaining a loving and respectful relationship with our children.

The book delves into the challenges of discipline and offers alternative approaches to punishment. Stiffelman encourages parents to focus on teaching rather than punishing, and to use natural consequences and logical consequences to help children learn from their mistakes. She emphasizes the importance of modeling positive behavior and teaching children essential life skills.

Stiffelman also addresses the issue of technology and its impact on parenting. She provides strategies for managing screen time and fostering healthy relationships with technology. She encourages parents to set boundaries and create tech-free zones to promote family connection and quality time.

Throughout the book, Stiffelman emphasizes the significance of self-care for parents. She acknowledges that parenting can be challenging and exhausting, and encourages parents to prioritize their own well-being. She offers practical suggestions for self-care, such as finding support networks, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

Overall, Parenting with Presence is a comprehensive and insightful guide that empowers parents to raise emotionally healthy and resilient children. Stiffelman's compassionate and practical approach provides parents with the tools they need to navigate the complexities of modern parenting and create loving and connected relationships with their children.

1. The Power of Connection

In "Parenting with Presence," Susan Stiffelman emphasizes the importance of building a strong connection with our children. She explains that when we prioritize connection, we create a safe and nurturing environment for our children to thrive. By actively listening to our children, validating their feelings, and being fully present with them, we strengthen our bond and build trust. This connection allows our children to feel seen, heard, and understood, which in turn fosters their emotional well-being and resilience.

Stiffelman suggests that we can enhance our connection with our children by setting aside dedicated time for one-on-one activities, such as reading together or going for a walk. She also encourages us to be mindful of our own emotional state and to take care of ourselves, as our own well-being directly impacts our ability to connect with our children. By prioritizing connection, we create a solid foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship.

2. The Importance of Boundaries

Another key takeaway from "Parenting with Presence" is the significance of setting and maintaining boundaries with our children. Stiffelman explains that boundaries provide a sense of safety and structure for our children, helping them understand what is expected of them and what is not acceptable behavior. By setting clear boundaries, we teach our children important life skills such as self-discipline, respect for others, and personal responsibility.

Stiffelman suggests that we establish boundaries by clearly communicating our expectations and consequences, while also allowing our children to have a voice in the process. She emphasizes the importance of consistency in enforcing boundaries, as this helps children feel secure and understand the consequences of their actions. By setting and maintaining boundaries, we create a balanced and harmonious environment for our children to grow and develop.

3. Nurturing Emotional Intelligence

"Parenting with Presence" highlights the significance of nurturing our children's emotional intelligence. Stiffelman explains that emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as empathize with the emotions of others. By helping our children develop emotional intelligence, we equip them with essential skills for navigating relationships, handling stress, and making sound decisions.

Stiffelman suggests that we can nurture emotional intelligence by teaching our children to identify and express their feelings, validating their emotions, and helping them develop empathy towards others. She also emphasizes the importance of modeling emotional intelligence ourselves, as children learn by observing and imitating their parents. By prioritizing emotional intelligence, we empower our children to navigate the complexities of life with resilience and compassion.

4. The Power of Play

In "Parenting with Presence," Stiffelman emphasizes the importance of play in a child's development. She explains that play is not just a form of entertainment but a crucial avenue for learning, creativity, and emotional expression. By engaging in play with our children, we foster their imagination, problem-solving skills, and social development.

Stiffelman suggests that we make time for unstructured play, where children can explore and create without specific goals or rules. She also encourages us to join in their play, allowing us to connect with our children on a deeper level and create lasting memories. By embracing the power of play, we provide our children with a rich and stimulating environment for growth and development.

5. Cultivating Mindfulness

"Parenting with Presence" emphasizes the practice of mindfulness as a powerful tool for effective parenting. Stiffelman explains that mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, without judgment or distraction. By cultivating mindfulness, we become more attuned to our children's needs, emotions, and behaviors, allowing us to respond with greater empathy and understanding.

Stiffelman suggests that we can cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and conscious awareness of our thoughts and emotions. She also encourages us to bring mindfulness into our daily interactions with our children, by being fully present and engaged in their experiences. By embracing mindfulness, we enhance our ability to connect with our children and respond to their needs with clarity and compassion.

6. Embracing Imperfection

"Parenting with Presence" reminds us of the importance of embracing imperfection in our parenting journey. Stiffelman explains that no parent is perfect, and it is through our mistakes and challenges that we learn and grow. By letting go of the pressure to be a perfect parent, we create space for self-compassion and acceptance.

Stiffelman suggests that we practice self-care and self-compassion, acknowledging that we are doing the best we can with the resources and knowledge we have. She encourages us to learn from our mistakes, apologize when necessary, and model resilience and adaptability for our children. By embracing imperfection, we create a nurturing environment where our children can learn from their own mistakes and develop a healthy sense of self.

7. Fostering Independence

In "Parenting with Presence," Stiffelman emphasizes the importance of fostering independence in our children. She explains that by allowing our children to take age-appropriate risks, make decisions, and learn from their experiences, we empower them to become confident and capable individuals.

Stiffelman suggests that we provide opportunities for our children to develop independence, such as allowing them to solve their own problems, encouraging them to take on age-appropriate responsibilities, and supporting their decision-making process. She also emphasizes the importance of balancing independence with guidance and support, ensuring that our children feel safe and supported as they navigate their own path. By fostering independence, we equip our children with the skills and confidence to thrive in the world.