Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson

Last updated: Sep 17, 2023

Summary of Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson

Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson is a comprehensive guide that provides practical advice and biblical principles for resolving conflicts in everyday life. The book emphasizes the importance of addressing conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner, rather than avoiding or escalating them.

The authors begin by explaining the nature of conflict and its potential to either harm relationships or strengthen them. They highlight the fact that conflict is a normal part of life and can be an opportunity for growth and reconciliation.

The book then introduces the "Peacemaker's Pledge," which outlines the commitment to resolving conflicts in a biblical manner. It emphasizes the importance of seeking peace, pursuing reconciliation, and promoting justice in all relationships.

The authors provide practical steps for resolving conflicts, starting with examining one's own heart and motives. They emphasize the need for humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to listen and understand the other person's perspective.

The book also addresses common obstacles to conflict resolution, such as pride, anger, and fear. It provides strategies for overcoming these obstacles and offers guidance on how to communicate effectively and assertively.

Furthermore, the authors discuss the role of mediation and the importance of involving a neutral third party when conflicts become difficult to resolve. They provide guidance on how to choose a mediator and how to engage in the mediation process effectively.

Throughout the book, Sande and Johnson draw on biblical principles and stories to illustrate their points. They emphasize the importance of seeking God's guidance and relying on His wisdom in resolving conflicts.

In conclusion, Resolving Everyday Conflict is a comprehensive guide that offers practical advice and biblical principles for resolving conflicts in everyday life. It provides a step-by-step approach to conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of humility, forgiveness, and effective communication. The book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to navigate conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner.

1. Understanding the root causes of conflict

In "Resolving Everyday Conflict," the authors emphasize the importance of understanding the root causes of conflict. They explain that conflicts often arise from unmet desires, unfulfilled expectations, or unresolved personal issues. By identifying these underlying causes, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their own emotions and motivations, as well as those of others involved in the conflict. This understanding allows for more effective communication and problem-solving, leading to healthier resolutions.

Furthermore, the authors highlight the significance of recognizing the role of sin in conflict. They explain that sin, such as pride, selfishness, or anger, can fuel and escalate conflicts. By acknowledging and addressing these sinful tendencies within ourselves, we can take responsibility for our actions and work towards reconciliation.

2. The importance of active listening

Active listening is a key component of resolving conflicts, as emphasized in the book. The authors explain that active listening involves fully engaging with the speaker, seeking to understand their perspective without interrupting or formulating a response. By actively listening, individuals can demonstrate empathy and validate the other person's feelings, fostering a sense of trust and openness.

The book provides practical tips for active listening, such as maintaining eye contact, nodding to show understanding, and summarizing the speaker's points to ensure clarity. By implementing these techniques, individuals can create a safe space for open dialogue and increase the likelihood of finding mutually beneficial solutions.

3. The power of forgiveness

One of the most profound takeaways from "Resolving Everyday Conflict" is the transformative power of forgiveness. The authors explain that forgiveness is not condoning or forgetting the offense but rather choosing to release the desire for revenge and offering grace to the offender. They emphasize that forgiveness is a choice and a process that can lead to healing and restoration.

The book provides practical steps for practicing forgiveness, such as acknowledging the pain caused by the offense, choosing to forgive, and seeking reconciliation when appropriate. By embracing forgiveness, individuals can break free from the chains of bitterness and resentment, fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

4. The role of mediation in conflict resolution

"Resolving Everyday Conflict" highlights the importance of mediation as a valuable tool for resolving conflicts. The authors explain that mediation involves a neutral third party facilitating communication and negotiation between conflicting parties. Mediation provides a structured and safe environment for expressing concerns, exploring solutions, and working towards a mutually agreeable resolution.

The book emphasizes the qualities and skills required for effective mediation, such as impartiality, active listening, and problem-solving. By utilizing mediation, individuals can overcome communication barriers, gain new perspectives, and find creative solutions that may not have been possible without the assistance of a mediator.

5. The significance of seeking wise counsel

In "Resolving Everyday Conflict," the authors stress the importance of seeking wise counsel when facing challenging conflicts. They explain that seeking advice from trusted individuals who have wisdom and experience can provide valuable insights and guidance.

The book encourages individuals to seek counsel from those who are impartial, knowledgeable, and have a biblical perspective. By seeking wise counsel, individuals can gain new perspectives, challenge their own biases, and receive guidance on how to navigate complex conflicts.

6. The impact of unresolved conflict on relationships

The book highlights the detrimental effects of unresolved conflict on relationships. The authors explain that unresolved conflict can lead to bitterness, resentment, and a breakdown in communication. It can also create a cycle of escalating conflicts and erode trust between individuals.

By understanding the long-term consequences of unresolved conflict, individuals are motivated to actively work towards resolution. The book provides practical strategies for addressing conflicts promptly, seeking reconciliation, and fostering healthy communication patterns to prevent the accumulation of unresolved conflicts.

7. The importance of humility in conflict resolution

"Resolving Everyday Conflict" emphasizes the role of humility in conflict resolution. The authors explain that humility involves recognizing our own faults and limitations, as well as being willing to listen and learn from others. They highlight that humility allows individuals to approach conflicts with a teachable spirit and a willingness to seek understanding and resolution.

The book provides practical tips for cultivating humility, such as practicing self-reflection, acknowledging mistakes, and seeking feedback from others. By embracing humility, individuals can create an environment conducive to open dialogue, empathy, and effective conflict resolution.

8. The importance of maintaining healthy boundaries

The book emphasizes the significance of maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships to prevent conflicts. The authors explain that setting clear boundaries helps individuals communicate their needs, expectations, and limits, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflicts.

The book provides guidance on how to establish and communicate boundaries effectively, such as using "I" statements to express personal needs and being assertive yet respectful. By maintaining healthy boundaries, individuals can foster healthier relationships, prevent conflicts, and promote mutual respect and understanding.