She Comes First by Ian Kerner

Last updated: Jul 23, 2023

Summary of She Comes First by Ian Kerner

She Comes First by Ian Kerner is a comprehensive guide to understanding and pleasuring women sexually. The book focuses on the importance of prioritizing a woman's pleasure during sexual encounters and provides practical advice on how to achieve this.

Kerner begins by debunking common myths and misconceptions about female sexuality. He emphasizes that women require more time and stimulation to reach orgasm compared to men. He also highlights the significance of clitoral stimulation in achieving female pleasure.

The author introduces the concept of the "Clitoral Cluster," which refers to the interconnectedness of the clitoris with other erogenous zones in a woman's body. Kerner explains how stimulating these areas can enhance a woman's sexual experience and lead to more intense orgasms.

Throughout the book, Kerner provides detailed instructions on various techniques and positions that can be used to pleasure a woman. He emphasizes the importance of communication and encourages couples to openly discuss their desires and preferences in the bedroom.

Kerner also addresses common issues that may hinder a woman's sexual pleasure, such as performance anxiety, stress, and body image concerns. He offers practical advice on how to overcome these obstacles and create a safe and comfortable environment for sexual exploration.

Furthermore, the book explores the role of oral sex in female pleasure. Kerner provides step-by-step instructions on how to perform cunnilingus effectively, including tips on technique, rhythm, and communication. He emphasizes the importance of patience and attentiveness in order to fully satisfy a woman.

In addition to the practical advice, Kerner delves into the psychological and emotional aspects of female sexuality. He discusses the importance of intimacy, trust, and emotional connection in creating a fulfilling sexual experience for women.

Overall, She Comes First is a comprehensive guide that aims to empower men to prioritize and enhance a woman's sexual pleasure. It provides practical advice, techniques, and insights into female sexuality, emphasizing the importance of communication, patience, and emotional connection in the bedroom.

1. The importance of clitoral stimulation

In "She Comes First," Ian Kerner emphasizes the significance of clitoral stimulation in female pleasure and orgasm. He explains that the clitoris is the primary source of female sexual pleasure and that focusing on it can lead to more satisfying sexual experiences for women. Kerner provides detailed techniques and tips on how to stimulate the clitoris effectively, including using oral sex techniques. By understanding and prioritizing clitoral stimulation, both partners can enhance their sexual experiences and create a more fulfilling and pleasurable sexual connection.

2. The concept of the "female-centered" sexual experience

Kerner introduces the concept of a "female-centered" sexual experience, which emphasizes the importance of prioritizing a woman's pleasure and satisfaction during sex. He encourages men to shift their focus from their own performance and orgasm to ensuring their female partner's pleasure and orgasm. This approach promotes a more equal and mutually satisfying sexual relationship, where both partners prioritize each other's pleasure. Kerner provides practical advice on how to achieve a female-centered sexual experience, including communication, exploration, and understanding a woman's unique sexual needs and desires.

3. The role of communication in sexual satisfaction

Kerner emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication about sexual desires, preferences, and boundaries. He encourages couples to have conversations about their sexual needs and to actively listen to each other's desires. By fostering a safe and non-judgmental environment for communication, couples can enhance their sexual experiences and create a deeper emotional connection. Kerner provides guidance on how to initiate these conversations and offers suggestions for creating a comfortable space for open dialogue about sex.

4. The significance of foreplay

Kerner highlights the importance of foreplay in sexual satisfaction for both partners. He explains that foreplay is not just a prelude to intercourse but an essential part of the sexual experience. Kerner provides various techniques and ideas for engaging in pleasurable and satisfying foreplay, including oral sex, manual stimulation, and sensual touch. By prioritizing foreplay, couples can build anticipation, enhance arousal, and create a more intimate and enjoyable sexual connection.

5. The impact of stress and relaxation on sexual pleasure

Kerner discusses the influence of stress and relaxation on sexual pleasure and orgasm. He explains how stress can negatively affect sexual desire and performance, while relaxation can enhance sexual experiences. Kerner provides strategies for reducing stress and creating a relaxed environment for sexual intimacy, such as incorporating relaxation techniques, setting the mood, and creating a comfortable physical space. By prioritizing relaxation, couples can enhance their sexual experiences and create a more enjoyable and satisfying sexual connection.

6. The importance of exploring and embracing individual sexual preferences

Kerner emphasizes the significance of exploring and embracing individual sexual preferences and desires. He encourages individuals to understand and communicate their unique sexual needs and to embrace their own pleasure. Kerner provides guidance on how to explore personal desires, including self-exploration, fantasy exploration, and experimentation. By embracing individual sexual preferences, individuals can enhance their own pleasure and contribute to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

7. The role of patience and practice in sexual satisfaction

Kerner highlights the importance of patience and practice in achieving sexual satisfaction. He explains that sexual skills and techniques can be developed and improved over time through practice and experimentation. Kerner encourages couples to approach sex with a growth mindset, focusing on continuous learning and exploration. By being patient with themselves and their partners, individuals can create a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual connection.

8. The significance of emotional connection in sexual intimacy

Kerner emphasizes the role of emotional connection in sexual intimacy and satisfaction. He explains that emotional intimacy and trust are essential for creating a fulfilling sexual relationship. Kerner provides guidance on how to foster emotional connection, including through communication, vulnerability, and understanding each other's emotional needs. By prioritizing emotional connection, couples can enhance their sexual experiences and create a deeper and more meaningful sexual connection.