The Asshole Survival Guide by Robert I. Sutton

Last updated: Sep 29, 2023

Summary of The Asshole Survival Guide by Robert I. Sutton

The Asshole Survival Guide by Robert I. Sutton is a comprehensive guide that offers practical strategies for dealing with difficult people in various aspects of life. Sutton defines an "asshole" as someone who consistently treats others with disrespect, undermines their self-esteem, and creates unnecessary conflict.

The book begins by explaining the different types of assholes, such as the temporary, clueless, and certified assholes. Sutton emphasizes that assholes are not born, but rather made through their behaviors and choices. He also highlights the negative impact assholes have on individuals and organizations, including decreased productivity, increased stress, and higher turnover rates.

Sutton then provides a range of strategies for surviving and dealing with assholes. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-control, encouraging readers to reflect on their own behavior and reactions. Sutton advises readers to avoid becoming an asshole themselves, even when faced with difficult individuals.

One of the key strategies Sutton suggests is to build a strong support network. Surrounding oneself with positive and supportive people can help counteract the negative effects of dealing with assholes. He also recommends setting boundaries and standing up for oneself when necessary, without stooping to the level of the asshole.

Sutton provides practical tips for dealing with assholes in different contexts, such as the workplace, family, and social settings. He advises readers to document incidents, seek advice from trusted colleagues or friends, and confront the asshole when appropriate. Sutton also emphasizes the importance of finding humor in difficult situations and not taking everything personally.

The book also explores the role of organizations in dealing with assholes. Sutton suggests that organizations should have clear policies and procedures in place to address toxic behavior. He encourages leaders to model respectful behavior and hold assholes accountable for their actions.

In conclusion, The Asshole Survival Guide is a comprehensive guide that offers practical strategies for dealing with difficult people. Sutton provides valuable insights and advice for individuals to navigate challenging situations and maintain their sanity and well-being. By implementing the strategies outlined in the book, readers can effectively deal with assholes and create a more positive and respectful environment.

1. Understanding the Asshole Tax

In the book, Sutton introduces the concept of the "asshole tax," which refers to the hidden costs that organizations and individuals incur when dealing with assholes. These costs can include decreased productivity, increased turnover, and damaged relationships. By quantifying the financial and emotional toll that assholes take, Sutton highlights the importance of addressing and minimizing their impact.

By understanding the asshole tax, individuals and organizations can make a compelling case for investing in strategies to reduce asshole behavior. This could involve implementing policies that discourage or penalize such behavior, providing training on emotional intelligence and empathy, or fostering a culture of respect and collaboration. Recognizing the financial and emotional costs of assholes can serve as a powerful motivator for change.

2. The No Asshole Rule

Sutton introduces the "no asshole rule" as a guideline for organizations to follow in order to create a healthier and more productive work environment. The rule states that organizations should not tolerate or hire assholes, regardless of their talent or expertise. Sutton argues that the negative impact of assholes on morale and productivity outweighs any potential benefits they may bring.

Implementing the no asshole rule requires a commitment from leadership to prioritize values such as respect, empathy, and collaboration. It involves creating a hiring process that assesses not only technical skills but also interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence. By enforcing this rule, organizations can create a culture that values and rewards positive behavior, leading to higher employee satisfaction and better overall performance.

3. Strategies for Dealing with Assholes

Sutton provides practical strategies for dealing with assholes, whether they are colleagues, bosses, or customers. One approach is to confront the asshole directly, calmly and assertively expressing how their behavior is impacting you. Another strategy is to build a support network of colleagues who can provide emotional support and advice on how to handle difficult situations.

Sutton also emphasizes the importance of self-care when dealing with assholes. This includes setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and finding healthy outlets for stress. Additionally, he suggests documenting instances of asshole behavior and seeking help from HR or higher management if necessary.

4. The Power of Feedback

Sutton highlights the importance of giving and receiving feedback in addressing asshole behavior. He encourages individuals to provide constructive feedback to assholes, focusing on the impact of their behavior rather than attacking their character. By providing specific examples and offering suggestions for improvement, feedback can be a powerful tool for change.

At the same time, Sutton emphasizes the need for individuals to be open to receiving feedback themselves. By seeking feedback from trusted colleagues and actively listening to their perspectives, individuals can gain valuable insights into their own behavior and make necessary adjustments.

5. The Role of Leaders

Sutton emphasizes the crucial role that leaders play in shaping organizational culture and addressing asshole behavior. Leaders need to set a positive example by modeling respectful and empathetic behavior. They should also establish clear expectations and consequences for asshole behavior, ensuring that everyone in the organization understands the importance of treating others with respect.

Leaders should also be proactive in addressing asshole behavior when it occurs. This involves providing support to those who have been targeted, holding assholes accountable for their actions, and creating a safe environment for reporting and addressing such behavior. By taking a strong stance against assholes, leaders can foster a culture of respect and collaboration.

6. The Importance of Empathy

Sutton emphasizes the role of empathy in dealing with assholes. He argues that assholes often lack empathy and fail to consider the impact of their behavior on others. By cultivating empathy, individuals can better understand the motivations and insecurities that drive asshole behavior, allowing them to respond with compassion rather than anger.

Empathy also plays a role in preventing individuals from becoming assholes themselves. By putting themselves in others' shoes and considering the impact of their actions, individuals can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and make more conscious choices about how they treat others.

7. The Asshole Audit

Sutton introduces the concept of the "asshole audit," which involves assessing the prevalence and impact of asshole behavior within an organization. This can be done through surveys, interviews, and observation. By quantifying the extent of asshole behavior, organizations can better understand the scope of the problem and develop targeted strategies for addressing it.

The asshole audit also serves as a wake-up call for organizations that may be unaware of the negative impact of asshole behavior. By shining a light on the problem, organizations can no longer ignore or tolerate such behavior, leading to a greater commitment to change.

8. The Ripple Effect

Sutton highlights the ripple effect that asshole behavior can have on individuals and organizations. Assholes not only impact those directly targeted by their behavior but also create a toxic work environment that affects the morale and productivity of everyone around them.

By addressing asshole behavior, individuals and organizations can break this negative cycle and create a positive ripple effect. By modeling respectful behavior, providing support to those affected by assholes, and holding assholes accountable, individuals can create a healthier and more productive work environment for everyone.