There Is No Good Card for This by Kelsey Crowe, PhD and Emily McDowell

Last updated: Jul 16, 2023

Summary of There Is No Good Card for This by Kelsey Crowe, PhD and Emily McDowell

"There Is No Good Card for This" is a book written by Kelsey Crowe, PhD and Emily McDowell that provides guidance and practical advice on how to support and comfort people going through difficult times. The book aims to help readers navigate the often awkward and uncomfortable situations that arise when someone they know is facing a crisis or hardship.

The authors emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding in these situations, and encourage readers to put themselves in the shoes of the person they are trying to support. They explain that offering support is not about finding the perfect words or solutions, but rather about being present and showing genuine care and concern.

The book is divided into several chapters, each focusing on a different aspect of supporting others. It begins by discussing the common barriers that prevent people from reaching out, such as fear of saying the wrong thing or feeling overwhelmed by the situation. The authors provide reassurance and practical tips for overcoming these barriers, emphasizing that any effort to offer support is better than none at all.

The authors then delve into the importance of empathy and active listening. They explain that truly understanding someone's experience requires setting aside one's own judgments and assumptions, and instead focusing on the other person's emotions and needs. They provide guidance on how to ask open-ended questions, offer validation, and avoid common pitfalls such as offering unsolicited advice or trying to minimize the person's pain.

The book also addresses the role of self-care in supporting others. The authors emphasize that taking care of oneself is essential in order to be able to effectively support others. They provide strategies for managing one's own emotions and boundaries, and stress the importance of seeking support from others when needed.

Throughout the book, the authors provide numerous real-life examples and practical suggestions for offering support in specific situations, such as illness, grief, and relationship difficulties. They also address the unique challenges of supporting someone from a distance, and offer guidance on how to use technology and other resources to stay connected and provide meaningful support.

In conclusion, "There Is No Good Card for This" is a comprehensive guide that offers practical advice and insights on how to support and comfort others during difficult times. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and self-care, and provides readers with the tools they need to navigate these challenging situations with compassion and understanding.

1. Empathy is the key to supporting others

In "There Is No Good Card for This," the authors emphasize the importance of empathy in supporting others through difficult times. They explain that empathy involves not just feeling sorry for someone, but truly understanding and validating their emotions. By putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and acknowledging their pain, we can provide the support they need.

One actionable way to practice empathy is by using the "Ring Theory." This concept suggests that when someone is going through a tough time, we should offer comfort and support to them, rather than burdening them with our own problems. By focusing on the person in need and offering genuine empathy, we can create a safe space for them to express their emotions and feel understood.

2. The power of presence

The book highlights the significance of being present for someone who is going through a difficult time. Often, we may feel the need to offer advice or try to fix the situation, but sometimes all a person needs is someone to listen and be there for them.

Being present means actively listening without judgment, allowing the person to express their feelings and thoughts. It involves offering our undivided attention and creating a safe space for them to share their experiences. By practicing the power of presence, we can provide immense comfort and support to those in need.

3. The importance of validation

Validation is a crucial aspect of supporting others, as it helps them feel heard and understood. The book emphasizes the significance of validating someone's emotions, even if we may not fully comprehend their situation.

Validating someone's feelings involves acknowledging their emotions without judgment or dismissal. It means letting them know that their feelings are valid and understandable. By doing so, we create a sense of acceptance and support, which can be incredibly comforting for the person going through a difficult time.

4. The power of small gestures

The authors highlight the impact of small gestures in supporting others. Sometimes, grand gestures may not be feasible or appropriate, but small acts of kindness can make a significant difference.

Simple gestures like sending a thoughtful text, offering to run errands, or bringing over a meal can show someone that we care and are there for them. These small acts of kindness can provide comfort and support during challenging times.

5. The importance of self-care

The book emphasizes the significance of self-care when supporting others. It explains that we cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking care of ourselves is essential to be able to support others effectively.

Self-care involves setting boundaries, recognizing our own needs, and taking time to recharge. By prioritizing our well-being, we can ensure that we have the energy and emotional capacity to be there for others when they need us.

6. The power of listening

Active listening is a powerful tool for supporting others. The book emphasizes the importance of truly listening to someone without interrupting or trying to offer solutions.

By giving our full attention and allowing the person to express themselves, we create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and emotions. Listening without judgment or interruption shows that we value their experiences and are there to support them.

7. The impact of non-verbal communication

The authors highlight the significance of non-verbal communication in supporting others. Sometimes, words may not be enough, and our body language and actions can convey empathy and support.

Non-verbal cues like maintaining eye contact, offering a comforting touch, or simply sitting with someone in silence can provide immense comfort. These non-verbal gestures show that we are present and empathetic, even when words may fail us.

8. The importance of ongoing support

The book emphasizes that supporting others is not a one-time event but an ongoing process. Difficult times can be long-lasting, and it is crucial to continue offering support even after the initial shock or crisis has passed.

Ongoing support involves checking in on the person regularly, offering a listening ear, and being there for them in the long run. By providing consistent support, we can help someone navigate their journey and remind them that they are not alone.